


Flutter of a Butterfly

by momentofclarity



Series: Them Butterflies [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Coming Out, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff, Frottage, Light Angst, Louis has a boyfriend when he meets Harry, M/M, POV Harry, POV Louis, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 09:48:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10896798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentofclarity/pseuds/momentofclarity
Summary: Harry’s eyes shine, the green of them somehow made even more so in contrast to his pale skin and dark pink lips.I wonder what it’s like to kiss you. To have your hands on me. Your voice in my ear, your—“Oh fuck!” Louis drops the cigarette to the ground and puts his burnt finger to his lips to soothe the pain. He hadn’t even realised he was staring.That Harry had been staring too.This is the extraordinarily ordinary AU where they both fall in love for the first time.





	Flutter of a Butterfly

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii, here's another one and I'm still sweating!
> 
> This story exists because Louis and Harry have a conversation in my fic Them Butterflies about what it would've been like if they had met at ages 18 and 20. Then I couldn't stop thinking about that so. This happened.
> 
> Which means this is sort of an AU of my own AU (which is exactly as self indulgent as it sounds).  
> It can still be read as a standalone if you haven't read Them Butterflies.
> 
> All the love and thank yous to [Nic](http://louandhazaf.tumblr.com/), the most brilliant beta ever! You helped me so much with this and made it a thousand times better. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ❤
> 
> Honestly everyone who has recced, commented, bookmarked or left kudos on Them Butterflies and Moments of Memories, I LOVE YOU! It all means the world to me. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed the story or wanna have a chat ❤
> 
> And yeah, this never happened and never will.

Louis makes his way through the crowded room, a fruity, too sweet drink in one hand and the other positioned to keep people from bumping in to him. He barely knows anyone here, having been invited by Niall on a whim just the day before. They hadn’t spoken in months when they bumped into each other at campus and his old friend had insisted he and Zayn come to his party the next day. So, here he is in all his glory. His magnificently drunk, but still very much shimmering glory.

He finally finds the loo; he’s been in desperate need for a wee for the past hour. Rinsing off his hands he looks at himself in the mirror and gets one of those weird, surreal feelings as he stares at himself. Like he’s about two seconds from talking to his own image about how _damn fine_ he looks tonight, his t-shirt tight enough to show off his curves and his bum nicely hugged by tight blue jeans. He idly wonders if Joseph would like the way he looks this evening, if he’d comment on it or if Louis would have to drag it out of him. He would probably say something like “you always look nice Lou, you know I don’t care about what you wear.”

“Pfft,” Louis snorts at the mirror and pulls a funny face before his lips curl slightly at the thought of his ridiculously virtuous boyfriend. Or. Sort of boyfriend. Or whatever.

Then the door opens and his inner monologue is interrupted by a mop of apologetic brown curls. “Oh god, I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was busy!”

Louis ignores the fact that he apparently just had a wee without locking the door and turns around to face the boy. “It’s alright come on in, I’m finished anyways.”

“Thanks,” the boy says as he steps into the bathroom with a wide smile blooming all over his face and well. _Hello dimples!_ The boy’s grin is framed by the pinkest plushest lips Louis has ever seen and his green eyes look absolutely delighted by the fact that he’s been invited into the loo. He’s gorgeous is what he is and Louis feels his own stance automatically slide into something soft and flirty because _ungh_.

“No worries, Curly,” he says as he makes his way past the boy still hovering by the door. “Make sure you lock the door though, wouldn’t want any strangers walking in on you, yeah?”

The boy turns around to face him and his grin is, if possible, even wider now. “Thanks for the tip, man.”

Louis raises an arched eyebrow at that and snorts. “You’re welcome, _bro,_ ” he says as he turns around to leave. He doesn’t miss the boy’s squawk of a laugh before rounding the corner into the living room though. For some reason it makes him smile.

He finds Zayn, who in turn seems to have finally located Niall, in the kitchen. They are playing some sort of drinking game, rows of shots lined up on the table, and it takes Louis one look to know he should stay _the fuck_ away from that. He bitterly remembers last time. And the morning after.

“Hi Zaynie, what’s happening?” he asks as he drapes an arm around Zayn’s bony shoulders.

Zayn is just drunk enough not to shrug him off, but instead turns into him and gives him a hug. “Loueh, we’re winning!” he exclaims happily. Drunk Zayn is adorable.

“Yeey! What are we winning then?” Louis asks and looks back at the table.

“Free booze!” Zayn sniggers and Louis plants a kiss on his cheek just because. He’s a pretty boy and Louis is drunk and he loves his pretty friend.

Speaking of pretty, the curly boy from the bathroom joins the kitchen crowd then, and as soon as he spots Louis he heads over. Louis is just a little bit delighted.

“Is this yours?” the boy asks and Louis has to tear his eyes away from those dimples to find the plastic cup the boy is holding up to him. He looks up at the boy again to see if he’s actually serious.

“Did you find that in the bathroom?” Louis asks and takes the cup from him, glancing down at the red, sugary content. It most probably is his drink but is this boy expecting him to actually drink it now?

“Yeah, you were the only one I saw in there so,” he says.

“Well that’s a relief then,” Louis snorts. “But thanks, Curly, I will now gladly dump this in the sink and have you make me another one!”

The boy laughs, dimples deep and square little bunny teeth out. _Cute._ “I can do that, I’m quite the cook actually, I work at a bakery!”

Now it’s Louis’ turn to laugh, “Oh, you make a lot of drinks there, do ya? Now that’s my kind of bakery.”

The boy continues to look delighted as he pours liquid from a few different bottles, with all the flourish of someone who is decidedly _not_ a bartender of high ranks, into a new plastic cup. “Mostly swipe the floor and handle the register to be honest,” he admits as he reaches the cup over to Louis. “But I think you’ll like that better than whatever you were having.”

“Did you just insult my drink mixing skills?” Louis asks, looking mock offended before he takes a sip from the cup. The boy looks expectantly at Louis, eyes shining with eagerness and Louis has to swallow down the instinct to just… burst into cheers, because the drink _is_ good, and the boy looks like he’d really like the encouragement.

He’s actually biting his (still very pink, plush) bottom lip as he waits for Louis’ reaction and Louis’ coughs slightly into his fist and furrows his brows, wrinkling his nose in distaste. The effect is instantaneous as the boy’s face falls and he looks absolutely incredulous. “You didn’t like it?”

Louis waits two beats before he breaks into an airy laughter as he pokes the other boy in the side. “I didn’t know anyone could be so passionate about mixing drinks!”

The boy makes a noise somewhere between a snort and a humming pout but his dimples betray him. “So you did like it?”

“Might be the best drink I’ve had in my god damned life pal!” Louis exclaims, takes another few gulps from the cup and pats him on the back.

“I’m glad, and my name is Harry,” the boy apparently named Harry says and for some reason Louis feels like the name suits him just perfectly.

“I’m Louis and it’s your lucky day today! I’ve actually been on the look out for a baker slash drink mixer slash bathroom invader friend, you seem like the perfect fit!”

Harry laughs again and Louis wonders if he’s truly that funny or if his newfound friend is just that easy to please.

The rest of the evening consists of Harry introducing Louis to all his friends and Louis doing his best to pull that donkey laugh from the other boy’s mouth at regular intervals. It’s a good concept because Harry has a lot of friends and Louis truly is quite the comedian. Harry turns out to be funny too, in a sarcastic and sardonic sort of way, that is made even funnier because of his angelic features. He’s got these giant hands that look a bit like they belong to somebody else’s body and they’re entirely too distracting. It’s like he’s stuck between being a young, rose-cheeked cherub and a fit as fuck frat boy and Louis… he sort of forgets he’s got a boyfriend until Joseph texts him at four AM, wondering if he got home alright.

\---

_have I told you about my friend of a friend who’s cat got pregnant with a lynx?_

**_don’t talk shit curly, it’s not a good look  
also I’m pretty sure we don’t have any lynx…es in the uk?????_ **

_I’m not lying! It was in Sweden, I promise! the kitten stopped eating and then the vet said it was because it wanted meat!! because it was half lynx!_

**_well now it’s just a good story that you ruined by starting with the punchline…_ **

_:((((((_

**_why don’t you tell me the whole story when we meet up, sure it’s way more… interesting irl :)_ **

_I don’t even care if you’re joking, you’re getting the lynx story!_

**_can’t wait ;)_ **

Harry snorts at his phone and can’t help the smile that pulls at the corners of his lips. He’s been texting with Louis a bit since the party last weekend and it turns out Louis is hilarious.

“Who are you talking to?” Liam asks and pokes him with his foot where they’re both sprawled out on Niall’s sofa.

“It’s just Louis.” Harry shrugs and coughs a bit to wipe the grin off his own face.

“He’s a right lad, makes sense you two would get along,” Niall says and smiles as he turns on the telly and starts zapping through the channels.

His statement peaks Harry’s interest. “How do you mean?”

Niall shrugs one shoulder. “Just that, you’re both good lads.” As much as Harry loves Niall’s laid back attitude he sort of hates it a little bit right now. _What do you mean? Do you think Louis will want to be friends? Why do you think we’d get a long? Has he said anything to you?_

Harry’s head whirls with questions and he lasts all but five minutes before he asks, “So, you know Louis from Donny, yeah?”

Niall looks at him funnily like _I know you already know that,_ but then he nods, “Yeah, played footie together.”

“That’s… cool. You played together long?”

“Few years, he graduated and moved here two years before me though.”

“Oh so he’s… two years older than you? Do you know what he does now? Is he at uni or?”

“Yeah, like graphic design or summat…” Niall answers distractedly before he turns to look at Harry and gesture at his phone. “Why don’t you ask him if you already got his number?”

“Oh, yeah…” Harry says and feels his cheeks grow warm. “Just… we never talked about that,” he mumbles and stares at the TV screen without actually taking in what they’re watching. It’s just. They haven’t been talking _that much._ And like, it’s mostly been bad jokes and Grumpy Cat memes, so.

“Hey, we should all hang out sometime, yeah? Have some beers and play FIFA,” Niall then says and something flutters in Harry’s stomach at the thought, his face breaking out into a grin again.

“Yeah sure, that’d be awesome,” Harry says and feels his voice waver dangerously close to breaking with excitement.

“You know he’s gay right?” Liam asks, a small frown on his face when Harry’s head snaps around to look at him.

Something cold settles in Harry’s stomach at the same time as he feels his cheeks up again. “So?” he asks, bewildered by the question because he honestly hadn’t even thought about it.

“I dunno, like he might have other ideas about the two of you?” Liam says and sounds a bit unsure.

Harry stares at him while his heart races, not sure why he’s reacting so strongly to Liam’s words, why it feels like a stone in his chest.

“Don’t be a twat Payno, just ‘cause he’s gay doesn’t mean he wants to shag every bloke he meets,” Niall says and throws a pillow at Liam’s head.

The knot in Harry’s stomach quickly dissolves and his chest fills with affection for his friend instead. _See Liam, there’s nothing strange about being friends with a gay guy. Niall is cool about it._

Liam sputters and his face grows an alarming red at getting called out. “Errh, no yeah, no of course not.”

“Have a bunch of gay friends from Donny, nothing different about it,” Niall says and Harry nearly laughs in relief, because of course it isn’t. “And I’m pretty sure Louis’ got a boyfriend so it’s not like he’d be interested anyways.”

The laugh dies in Harry’s throat. _Well. That settles that then. He’s got a boyfriend. No one is interested in anyone here. It’s all good. All good._

\---

“Hi, lads!” Louis greets as he opens the door to his and Zayn’s flat to find Niall, Harry, and their friend Liam on the other side, beer cases gathered in their arms. His eyes instantly get caught on green bright ones that makes him bounce on the balls of his feet with giddy energy.

Niall barrels into him and gives him a hug. “Thanks for having us!”

The three boys enter the flat and Liam gives him an awkward one arm hug with a very manly pat on the back as a greeting. Louis nearly snorts at him but holds back when Liam says, “Nice seeing you again,” even though they’d barely spoken at Niall’s party.

And then there’s Harry who pulls him into a tight hug, enveloping him in his long arms. “Hi Lou, thanks for inviting us.”

With his heart rabbiting in his chest, Louis does his best not to simply melt into the embrace and he almost envies Liam’s ability to bro-hug, because surely Harry doesn’t mean for the hug to send a blush to his cheeks.

“I only invited you for the free beer, Curly,” he says as he breaks away from their embrace and gives him a shit eating grin.

“Good thing we brought so many then,” Harry grins cheekily and _damn_ those dimples are really something.

Louis turns around swiftly and marches into the living room to ignore the swoop in his belly. _He’s straight you fucking moron._ “Me and Curly are the dream team, the rest of y’all can suck it!” he bellows, perhaps a bit to loudly for the size of the crowd, as he takes the game controller and pushes play.

-

Okay, so maybe dream team was an exaggeration. Harry is absolutely horrible at FIFA and Louis ends up jumping over the coffee table to shut the game console off in the middle of a game when Harry scores an own goal.

“Heeeey! It wasn’t that bad!” Harry complains and pouts.

“YOU SCORED AN OWN GOAL?! That’s about as bad as it can get!” Louis shrieks and ignores the way Niall is doubles over with laughter. “God, I need a cigarette!”

He picks up his pack of smokes on the kitchen counter and goes out onto their tiny balcony. Lights a fag and takes a drag. I _t’s fine, you’re fine, he’s just pretty, you can deal with pretty, you’re best mates with Zayn for gods sake, get a fucking grip._

“Hiii…” Harry’s deep, sheepish voice comes from behind him as he comes out on the balcony and pushes the door shut behind him. “You’re not actually mad right?” he asks and rubs at his neck nervously.

Louis lets out an exaggerated sigh but cracks a smile. “Could’ve warned me you’d be such a crap teammate,” he says and hip checks Harry playfully. Because like. He’s such a bro pal.

A broad smile instantly spreads over Harry’s face. “Could’ve warned me you’re such a sore loser,” he counters and nudges Louis right back.

“Hah! Yeah maybe,” Louis admits and wrinkles his nose in embarrassment. _Why do I always act like such a prick in front of pretty boys? Maybe it’s just him._

Harry just keeps smiling at him and leans against the railing. “Hey I was gonna ask, umm, like, what do you do?”

“What? What do you mean?” Louis wonders and laughs at the sudden change of subject.

“Like, you’re at uni right? Niall said something about graphic design?”

Louis physically cannot stop his eyebrow from lifting and the smirk that curls over his lips. “You keeping tabs on me, Curly?”

The other boy blushes adorably, cheeks pink and eyes so unbelievably fucking bright, and he doesn’t look away from Louis. “Just curious,” he says, voice deep and earnest. Louis heart speeds up at the sight of him. _You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen._

“Yeah, graphic design…” he says dumbly, his brain short circuiting. _What was the bloody question again?_

“That’s cool, I wish I was more creative like that… I just started studying to become a social worker though, like… I think I’d quite like to work with people,” and it takes him forever to get those words out but Louis could listen to him always. The way his voice dips low and his tongue curls around each vowel. And then his brain catches up with him because, _a social worker, really?_

“Oh, I’d have pegged you for a business school kinda guy,” Louis says as he tries his hardest to regain his bearings.

“Really?” Harry asks, surprised and amused. Louis shrugs, _not that I thought about it._

“Yeah I dunno, social worker is nicer though, maybe it makes more sense.”

The dimples deepen. “You think I’m nice?” Harry asks and _fuck, is he flirting?_

Louis rolls his eyes. “Wouldn’t take it that far, mate.” But it’s fucking impossible not to smile at the sight of those fucking craters in Harry’s cheeks.

Harry’s eyes shine, the green of them somehow made even more so in contrast to his pale skin and dark pink lips. _I wonder what it’s like to kiss you. To have your hands on me. Your voice in my ear, your_ — “Oh fuck!” Louis drops the cigarette to the ground and puts his burnt finger to his lips to soothe the pain. He hadn’t even realised he was staring.

That Harry had been staring too.

“Shit, are you okay?” Harry asks, brows instantly furrowed with concern.

“Yeah, just… we should go inside,” he says and pushes pass Harry to get through the door.

And just when he thought the evening couldn’t get any more unsettling he’s met by the sight of his boyfriend on the sofa. “Eeeh, hi…”

“There you are, thought you’d taken off somewhere,” Joseph grins and reaches his hand out. It takes Louis a few seconds to realise it’s meant for him.

“Just went out for a smoke.” he smiles and lets Joseph pull him down next to him.

“Wha— what are you doing here?” he asks just as Harry comes back inside.

Joseph’s eyes linger on Harry for a bit as if he’s making a mental note before answering, “Finished studying and Zayn said you were having a lads night, so thought I’d surprise you.” he smiles and pulls Louis into his side, arm curling around his waist.

“That’s nice, we’re just playing some FIFA…” Louis starts but trails off as Harry comes up to them, his huge hand outstretched in front of him.

“Hi, I’m Harry, nice to meet you,” he says and smiles like a polite schoolboy.

Joseph looks a bit surprised to be honest, but smiles back and shakes Harry’s hand. “I’m Joseph, Louis’ boyfriend.” _It shouldn’t bother me that he introduces himself like that. Why would that bother me? Fuck, it bothers me._

Harry nods. “Cool, so, we playing some more or…?” he asks the room at large and it’s not till then that Louis takes notice of the other boys in the room. _Attention span much?_

Niall and Zayn are playing a game while Liam cheers them on.

“We decided the two of you are banned from playing,” Zayn says without taking his eyes off the screen.

Louis would gasp and play offended but for some reason the air just runs out of him and he leans back against he sofa. “Yeh yeh, you’re just scared ‘cause we were about to kick your arse.”

Harry actually laughs at that, even though it’s barely even funny, and it makes Louis’ stomach squirm because there’s something fluttering in there but he’s also got his boyfriend’s arm around him and he should really just have another beer.

“Yeah, neither of you could’ve pulled off an own goal like that.” Harry grins and Louis can’t help snorting.

“Yeah, you’re the best Curly, a real champ,” he says dryly.

He might be imagining things, but the way Joseph’s hand curls around the back of his neck as Harry grins delightedly feels rather possessive.  

\---

Over the next few weeks Harry is swamped with schoolwork as the leaves turn from red to yellow to brown. He spends his days studying with Liam at the library, baking late night scones with Niall, and whenever he has the time, kicking ball with Louis at the park. He feels like he’s settling into uni life fairly well, having already found such great friends, loving his classes and enjoying the freedom of living on his own away from home.

He’s currently lying in bed trying to focus on his homework when he gets a text from Becky Wilson.

**_Hi! Hope the new assignment doesn’t kill you ;) You going to Jackson’s party on Sat?_ **

She’s nice. Really lovely really. Brown long hair and a cute smile matched with humour and a sharp mind. She’s studying Politics and International Relations and he met her at a party a few weeks back where they bonded over their love for bananas. They’ve been texting a bit ever since and she comes across as a girl who knows what she wants. For some reason, that seems to be Harry at the moment.

He looks over at where Liam is sprawled all over his bed on the other side of their fairly small dorm and wonders if he should even bring Liam into this. He’s… he really is a good mate but sometimes his opinions are more annoying than encouraging. It’s just fact.

“Hey, you know Becky Wilson?” Harry asks despite himself.

“Yeah, why?” Liam asks and looks up from his phone.

“She’s wondering if I’m going to Jackson’s party on Saturday, so… are we?”

Liam actually sits up at that, smile spreading over his face. “She is? That’s sick mate, she’s hot!”

Harry is endeared by Liam’s excitement and smiles back at him. “Yeah she is, isn’t she? I’ll tell her we’re going then?”

“Yeah sure, damn Niall’s gonna be so jealous, you lucky bastard!” Liam laughs and looks every bit like a puppy.

Harry just snorts at him and sends her a confirmation. He wonders if he should ask her out sometime, maybe for a coffee or something. Having never dated anyone before he’s not really sure what the protocol is but then again he’s not really sure he’s that into the idea of dating either. Isn’t uni the time to let loose and be independent or whatever? But judging by Liam’s reaction, going on a date with Becky Wilson is probably not a bad idea, would probably be nice. She is nice. _Nice nice nice._

“You think I should ask her out?” he asks to settle his thoughts.

“Yeah, totally! She’s not even in your year right? She’s _an older woman.”_ Liam grins and waggles his eyebrows. _Oh god maybe I shouldn’t have asked._

“Think she’s a third year, she’s hardly ‘an older woman,’” Harry scoffs at him but can’t help smirking a bit at Liam just to tease.

“Still! She was _so_ into you at karaoke night.”

And the thing is, Harry sort of knows this. He knows she flirted with him and that he flirted back and made her laugh. Knows she probably would have invited him in had he followed her back to her flat. But it’s in a sort of distant, matter-of-fact way, nothing near the kind of excitement Liam seems to feel about it and that’s a bit strange.

When he gets a text saying **_Can’t wait to see you! :)_** he decides he should give it a shot. At least snog her a little bit on Saturday and see where it goes. She’s nice after all.

\---

The crisp November night settles around them in white puffs of hot breath and the smell of fresh sweat as they collapse on the ground. These nights spent together like this feel a bit magical. Like they exist in another dimension. Another dimension where there is just the two of them. Louis and Harry and a football field, harsh spotlights shining over them and the rest of the world sunken into darkness. Louis feels like he’s escaping reality on these nights. When there’s just a rose-cheeked Harry with a wide grin and long legs tripping over a ball it’s easy to shrug away the guilt that dances along with the butterflies in his stomach.

Harry is sitting with his legs sprawled out in front of him, leaning back on the palms of his hands. His curls are a wild mess on top of his head, his fringe plastered against his forehead. He looks so young and free and beautiful and Louis wants to take his picture. Wants to capture the gleam in his eyes and the deep shadow of his dimple. The urge to do so is nearly enough for him to get up and head over to his bag to get his phone, but he thinks that might be a bit too much, even for him. _Hey mate I just really wanna take your pic so I can stare at it for hours when I get home, cool right?_

“It’s so different here, though,” Harry says, continuing their conversation from a couple minutes ago. “Just since I’ve started school I’ve met so many cool people.”

Louis smirks at that and lifts an eyebrow. “Have you now? And how do you go about that? Walking in on innocent people having a wee?”

And it’s almost too easy, the way Harry’s eyes light up like a kid in a candy store, dimple deepening even more as he laughs. “Yeah! Works just fine too, or maybe it’s just the strange ones who go along with it.”

“Are you calling me strange?” Louis says and tries to sound offended, but fails, as he throws a fistful of grass at the other boy.

“Strange is good though,” Harry says and his laugh melts into a smile so fond and earnest it sends Louis’ heart reeling. “Like… strange is the best I think,” he concludes, his eyes darting down and his cheeks pinking up.

Louis nearly cries with how badly he wants to kiss him. _What the fuck am I supposed to do with you?_

-

They are cuddled up on the bed, Joseph’s arm slung around his shoulder, fingers gently caressing Louis’ upper arm as he makes random comments about the movie they’re watching. It should be cosy, being pressed up so close in nothing but loose sweats and thin t-shirts, but Louis can’t focus enough to even remember the title of the movie Joseph picked. _This is lovely, you need to stop being a twat, Joseph is fit and funny and smart. He’s always good to you, always almost too nice. The sex is good too, remember that one time when he went down on you for like half an hour? Can you please just remember that? No! Stop thinking of Harry’s stupid plush pink lips, fucking ABORT!_ Joseph _is great, you’re fucking in love with him, you may have acted like you’re not for the past six months but you_ are _. You’re in love with him and Harry is fucking straight so it doesn’t even matter. It doesn’t matter that he sometimes looks at you like he wants the same thing, wants to kiss you just as much as you want to kiss him… fuck I wanna kiss him. His stupid lips are just so perfect. He’s so bloody perfect with his dorky laugh and his awful dimples and disgustingly attractive sense of humour and those freaky fucking hands. It doesn’t matter that he makes my stomach flutter or that I can’t stop thinking about him because he’s never gonna want me, he’s just being a good friend, he’s just. Fuck, I’ve got a boyfriend, what am I doing?_

_God I need to talk to Zayn._

-

The tea is burning its way down his throat and he doesn’t even mind the distraction. His head is a mess and so is the rest of him. His heart thumps wildly against his ribcage and that buggering insistent fucking flutter of a butterfly in his belly that just doesn’t seem to want to stop. He knows he can’t go on like this, keeping it all inside until he bursts at the seams. Which is why he’s currently sipping his tea and staring at Zayn who’s perched on the other end of the sofa. Zayn definitely knows he’s being stared at and does a very good job at looking utterly bored and unaffected. Louis lasts all but four minutes before his leg flips out on it’s own accord and he kicks Zayn rather harshly in the thigh.

“What?” his best friend asks, an annoyed frown on his face as if he hasn’t ignored Louis for _minutes_ when he’s _clearly_ in need of moral support.

Louis throws him a quick glare just for the sake of it, before the clenching of his heart takes over and pushes him to start talking. “I hung out with Joseph yesterday.”

Silence.

“Okay…” Zayn says.

“And I didn’t spend the night,” and wow he’s stalling, Zayn is going to love this conversation.

“What about it?”

“I didn’t spend the night because…” He takes a deep breath and thumbs at the handle of his mug. “Because I couldn’t stop thinking about Harry.”

There, now it’s out there for the whole world to see. Or at least Zayn. Whatever. He dares a glance up at Zayn and regrets it immediately when he sees the annoyed look on his face.

“Louis, please don’t do this,” he says, his voice careful and stern as if he wants to tell Louis off but be gentle about it.

“Do what?” he asks even if he knows.

“Don’t fuck up a good thing because of some straight boy. Joseph is great, you know that.”

Louis bites his bottom lip, his eyes burning stubbornly because he does know. It still doesn’t change anything.

“I can’t help it,” he says and sounds way too whiny for his own taste.

Zayn sighs like an exhausted but fond parent. “Look, I know he’s fit and I get that like… sure it’s flattering that he follows you around like a lost puppy and all, but he’s just a straight boy who can’t get his shit together. Lou, don’t waste time on that.”

And _oh, ouch, fuck_ that hurts. A huge lump grows in his throat and his chest feels tight like his lungs might collapse. He puts his tea down on the table and grabs a pillow, pressing it against the ache in his belly. Another few moments of heavy silence settles between them before he manages to talk again.

“I think I’m in love with him.” His voice sounds strained as he struggles for it not to break.

Just like that, the fond part of Zayn’s expression disappears and he just looks tired and maybe even a bit angry. “I’m _telling you,_ don’t do this. He’s gonna break your heart, it’s not worth it.”

Louis hates him a little bit right now. Hates that he’s always too honest, too harsh and most probably right. The resentment curls around in the chaos of emotions swirling in his body and taints it. Somehow it’s a relief because this feeling is manageable. Something he can spit out venomously.

“What do you expect me to do then?! You think I should just be with Joseph even if I’m in love with someone else? How does that make any sense?!” he cries out, tears of hopelessness now replaced with those of anger.

Zayn is not impressed but he doesn’t let that stop him. “I think you should stop for a fucking minute and think this over, very fucking carefully. You’ve known Harry what, a couple months? And you’re willing to throw away _almost a year_ of dating Joseph because of him? I know you act like you don’t care about Joseph, but he’s been in love with you this whole year! He’s just been waiting for you to get your head out of your own arse and see how fucking good he is for you.”

“You think I don’t know that?! You think I don’t know I’m fucking garbage and Joseph deserves more? But I’m _fucking in love with Harry,_ I can’t just change that, I can’t just say ‘oh this isn’t sensible Louis, please stop’ and go back to the way things were, I just… _can’t._ ” And that’s where the air runs out of his lungs and he deflates into the sofa cushions.

And he might hate Zayn but he also kind of loves him ridiculous amounts because he doesn’t tell Louis to fuck off as he storms out of the room like any reasonable person would do. He lets out another deep sigh and then he pulls Louis to his chest and pets his hair.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s not easy, but just… we’re over this yeah? We don’t fall for stupid straight boys, they’re shit.”

And he _knows that_ , knows that it’s fucking stupid and awful and he’s breaking his own goddamned heart but how do you resist the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you? How do you look into eyes so fucking green you think you’ve gotten lost in the woods and not give your heart away like it’s nothing? _How?_

Louis cuddles into Zayn’s bony side and sniffles a bit, because he’s pathetic and he’s allowed. “I know, I just. I can’t be with Joseph anymore, it’s not right.”

There’s a few moments of silence before Zayn kisses the top of his head and murmurs, “Then you shouldn’t be.”

And somehow they ended up with exactly the words Louis needed to hear.

\---

Tonight. Tonight’s the night he’s going to snog Becky Wilson and then he’s going to ask her out for a cuppa. It’s a solid plan and he hopes it works out this time because the last time he tried to make it happen was a bit of a disaster. He’d gone to Jackson’s party and Becky Wilson had been there, all pretty with red lipstick and a high bun on her head. They had talked and flirted and even danced a bit, but then _Liam_ of all people had thrown up in the kitchen sink and as his roommate and friend it was Harry’s duty to, quite sheepishly, excuse them from the party and get them both home.

Liam had fallen over himself to apologise over the next few days and Harry kept insisting it wasn’t a big deal. About two hundred different versions of “But Becky was there and she’s so into you, I’m so sorry I ruined the night, I’ll make it up to you I promise!” had been whined into his ear until it felt like Liam was way more invested in the future of his relationship with Becky Wilson than he was. Which. Might be true. But Harry has never been a fan of forcing things either. Has always thought that what is supposed to happen is just going to sort of happen and just because they haven’t yet doesn’t mean they won’t.

Tonight though.

He wonders briefly if he should be more nervous than he is. Liam sure seems nervous enough but that’s never really been his thing either. He wasn’t nervous when he got his first kiss, when he went on a date with ridiculously gorgeous Amanda Raminez in secondary or when he lost his virginity to Johnny’s sister in their pool house. He’s thought about it quite a lot but never really come to any sort of conclusion. His friends always seemed like mindless dimwits around girls. Stumbling over their words and often ending up insulting them without even meaning to. Harry’s always loved the company of girls, always had a lot of friends who were girls, and never really understood why kissing them would render him a nervous wreck. So, when he gets a rather cheeky text from Becky Wilson it makes him snort with amusement while Liam is basically thrumming with excitement. “She probably likes you even more now because you were such a good friend to me the other weekend! You’ve got this mate, you should even thank me!”

-

It’s a house party and there are so many people that everywhere he looks there’s a familiar face. He spends some time chatting with Perrie and Vicky, the latter who he hasn’t seen since he moved to Manchester this summer. He plays beer pong with a couple of lads from school and just when he’s about to open the door to the loo he’s treated by the company of a rather tipsy Louis Tomlinson.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this, Curly,” he says with what Harry thinks is supposed to be a smirk but quickly wavers into a wide grin instead. Eyes crinkled up and white teeth sharp between his pink lips. He’s clean shaven and his fringe is meticulously layered over his forehead.

“We do? Thought you liked me for my bathroom invader skills,” he grins back, a bubbling feeling of joy stirring in his belly. Louis is just so much fun.

“Hah! True, really need to use the loo though, think you should be a gentleman and let me go first,” he says and bats his long eyelashes. His eyes are sparkling with mirth and Harry can’t resist laughing.

“Yeah? And why aren’t you the gentleman in this scenario?”

Louis just snorts at that, placing a hand at his waist sassily and popping his hip. “No one’s mistaken me for a gentleman before, better not start now,” he says and he’s just so… _much_. In just the short few minutes since they stumbled into each other, he’s got Harry laughing and his chest fluttering wonderfully. Harry wonders how it’s possible for someone to be so full of life.

“Oh, oh sorry! My sincerest apologies,” he says and bows slightly. Louis fucking shines at that and it’s so contagious Harry feels like his face is going to split in two.

“Tell you what, lemme use the loo and then I’ll catch us both another drink, how’s that for a gentleman?”

“Very nice, let’s do that, maybe get in there before you piss your pants though,” Harry says and nods towards the bathroom.

Louis’ indignant gasp makes his chest rumble with another burst of laughter.

-

“So then he obviously had to like, _get revenge_ or whatever, so he shredded Eric’s shorts but then coach found out about it and made _him_ wear them during practice!” Louis basically shrieks in laughter as he tells a story from his old football team. “I’ve never seen Niall laugh so hard in my life and that’s saying a lot!”

Harry laughs too, his belly aching with it by now, and nods his head in agreement. “It really does,” because Niall is one of the most easily entertained people he’s ever met.

Niall just shakes his head at them as if he’s suddenly above such childish antics. “You lads should take a breather, you look like you’re about to combust with those tomato faces.” That only manages to set them off into another set of giggles before Louis does his best to straighten up a bit, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Oh god, maybe you’re right, let’s head out for a bit, Haz,” he says and takes Harry’s hand as he makes it through the crowd and out through the back door. His hand is warm and small in Harry’s and he sort of misses it when Louis lets go to light up a cigarette.

Louis is still rose-cheeked and glassy-eyed from laughing so hard and Harry’s not sure what it is, but it feels a bit like pride swelling in his chest at the sight of him. Like he can’t believe he gets to be friends with someone like Louis. Someone so funny and magnetic and utterly fascinating. Someone who talks with his whole body and makes the whole room light up by just entering. Louis’ attention feels addictive, like he’ll never grow tired of looking into those blue eyes sparkling with lighting, like he’ll get stronger, braver, kinder, _better_ with every airy laugh that Louis gives him. Because that’s what it feels like. Having Louis in his life feels like it makes everything better, makes _him_ better, because he’s never met anyone like him before. Someone so fierce and unapologetic. The way he snaps his wrists, shouts _so_ _loudly_ and smiles brighter than anything. It’s like he’s throwing himself at the world and just expects it to _handle him_ with no questions asked and Harry’s got a feeling that if someone gets in his way they might not live to regret it. Why anyone would want that though, is a mystery. Why would anyone want to put out a light that burns so bright?

He knows it makes some people nervous though, some people filled with hatred and maybe even jealousy. Harry’s never had a gay friend before and when he looks at Louis he’s so fucking grateful that he’s met him. That he gets to experience someone so mesmerising up close. Someone so brave and strong and good hearted. He thinks that anyone would be lucky to have him. To be the person that Louis has chosen as his. He can’t even really imagine what it would be like. Must feel like you won the biggest price, like you’re the single most lucky person on earth, because Louis Tomlinson _chose_ you. Like the sun deciding that you’re worth a little extra warmth, like you’re worth to shine a little brighter too.

Imagine having that.

\---

Ever since last Friday Louis hasn’t been able to stop smiling. It was one of those nights where you don’t expect very much but it turns out a bit magical in the end. Harry stuck by his side from the moment they met and neither of them was able to stop laughing. Or touching. And Louis felt it through every fibre of his body. The way Harry leaned into him, giggling into his shoulder the way he curled his long fingers around Louis’ waist when he wanted to grab his attention. Attention that was already his to begin with. Because Louis simply couldn’t resist. For one night he let go of every thought of guilt and let himself be emerged in the feeling of Harry. Let himself feel how it made his stomach roar with the flurry of wings and sent shivers of want down his spine. He wants him so much it leaves him speechless and makes him louder than ever all at the same time.

It’s the way Harry looks at him like he’s the most important thing in the world, the way his deep voice tells stories of when he grew up and why he wants to be a social worker. When that brilliant mind of his shines through as he explains how he thinks the universe works and how things that are supposed to happen always will. As if it’s that simple. And somehow he makes Louis believe every word of it. Makes him feel like the universe threw this boy at him just so he could open his heart and feel something so great the existence of stars feels insignificant in comparison.

He’s in love with Harry Styles. That’s what the universe made happen and he feels a bit like he needs to give it his all. Like he’s been given something he needs to treasure.

 _You’re fucking full of shit is what you are, you fucking twat._ _You’ve got a boyfriend._ Because, yeah, that’s still a thing and when he’s not in the immediate company of Harry his brain dutifully reminds him of this fact. _I’m fixing it though, I’m fixing it._ He is. He’s seeing Joseph tonight and he’ll explain and everything will work itself out because he’s an adult who takes responsibility for his actions. Or something of the sort.

He feels a bit like his life in in limbo right now. On the verge of something but not quite there yet. It’s in the way he quiets down too quickly after laughing and how he can’t seem to focus on any one thing for longer than twenty seconds. He’s unsettled, like there’s something in the air that makes this day a bit off, a bit to the left of reality. He’s probably just being incredibly dramatic about breaking up with someone he’s kind of sort of been dating for over half a year. He’s undecided if it’s just him or the actual universe playing tricks on him.

-

When Joseph arrives Louis is pretty sure that he can feel the awkwardness hanging in the air too. They hug clumsily and for some reason Louis tries to help him off with his jacket, which only results in Joseph snapping at him and Louis apologising with burning cheeks. He made them tea and they settle on the sofa. Zayn was banned from the flat for the next couple of hours and he feels like Joseph can tell. _Oh god he already knows, doesn’t he. He knows what an awful fucking person I am and now I’m just gonna confirm it. Oh god._

“So, what’s up?” Joseph asks, always being practical and straightforward.

“Erhm, um…” Louis starts because he’s not exactly ready for this yet.

“Lou, just out with it,” Joseph says and he sounds impatient but when Louis meets his gaze he looks so fucking sad. _Fuck._

He swallows hard and then just, “I’m in love with someone else.” There.

Joseph purses his lips and looks down at his own lap, wrenching his hands together like he always does when he’s carefully choosing what to say next. Louis wishes he wouldn’t say anything at all. “It’s him, isn’t it?” _I can’t do this. Don’t bring him into it. It’s all me. I’m. Of course it’s him. Of course it is._

He nods carefully, eyes glued to Joseph’s face to catch his reaction. When he doesn’t look up at Louis, he lets out a quiet, “Yes.”

Louis isn’t used to these heavy silences that he seems to be very good at bringing forth lately. His usual tactics of distraction are not welcome here, they don’t belong.

“Did you… did you sleep with him?” Joseph asks and yet again his angry voice doesn’t match the hurt in his eyes.

“ _No_ , no of course not, I’m not… he’s not, it’s not like that,” he tries to explain. “We haven’t… I just don’t think it’s fair to you to like… I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“For _what_ to happen?” Joseph asks and he’s obviously frustrated at Louis’ inability to make himself clear.

“I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, it just… I really, _really_ like you and I think I was… I think I was falling for you but then…” he fades out because he feels like he’s just twisting the knife.

Joseph lets out a laugh that sounds crueler than what should be possible coming from someone with such kind eyes. “So you’re saying I took you out on dates and I fucking _tried so fucking hard_ for almost a year to get you to fall for me and right when it’s about to happen that fucking kid shows up and ruins everything, is that what you’re saying?”

Louis doesn’t know how to respond to any of that because his head turns into a whirling mess of _it doesn’t work like that, it’s not a bloody competition_ and _he’s not some ‘fucking kid’_ and _yes you’re right that’s exactly what I’m saying._

“I’m sorry,” is what he says.

“Jesus fucking Christ…” Joseph lets out before he covers his eyes with his hands and starts crying. Louis wants to touch him and comfort him but he doesn't think he has the right anymore.

“I’m not with him or anything but you deserve someone who’s with you whole heartedly and I can’t be, I’m so sorry, you’re such a good person and—”

“Oh fuck off, Lou. I’m ‘such a good person’ but what? He’s got dimples and gives you a bit of attention and you’re fucking giving it up like it’s nothing! So please tell me how me being ‘a good person’ is helping me right now!” Joseph bellows and Louis winces because he’s never heard him raise his voice like that before.

“I’m sorry! I’m telling you, I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just _did!”_ he yells back because his gut reaction is to defend himself.

Joseph just stares at him for a few long moments as he grinds his jaw before saying, “I can’t even stand to fucking look at you, maybe you didn’t mean for this to happen, but I never want to see you again.” He stands up and heads for the door.

Just before he opens it he stops and throws, “Hope your straight boy makes you very happy Lou, I _really do.”_ over his shoulder. Then he leaves and slams the door.

_Well that was even more awful that I ever could’ve imagined, buggering fucking shit._

-

He thinks that the proper thing to do now would be to _give it some time_ and _let things settle_ but being who he is that’s the opposite of what he wants to do. He wants to run head first into this fucking disaster before he chickens out and goes into hiding.

That’s why now, two days later, he’s about to meet Harry for an evening walk. When he received Harry’s excited answer he felt like he was going to be sick on the carpet. Zayn was very quiet about the whole thing and Louis knows that he’s trying his best not to blame Louis for whatever is happening right now. He’s like a gloomy presence lurking in the corners of their flat rather than his dorky best friend and Louis can’t wait for _that_ to fucking end, but he’s got other things to figure out first.

Like how to tell Harry. He’s barely even entertained the idea that he shouldn’t, that he’s going to fuck up their friendship or make a bloody fool of himself, because this feeling is just too much for him to carry around by himself. Harry wears his heart for all to see, through the brightness in his eyes, his squawk of a laugh, the rumble of his voice and the quirk of his lips and it feels wrong to keep something like this from him. Maybe Louis’ heart will break but a boy like Harry deserves to know how much adoration he inspires; how much Louis feels when Harry’s attention singles him out and makes everything else in the world quiet down.

So if his fingers are trembling slightly at the sight of Harry in a beanie and a blinding smile, he thinks it’s okay, because he’s trying to do the right thing here.

“Hi!” Harry says and pulls him into a hug and _damn_ if he doesn’t give the warmest most comforting hugs ever.

“Hey you,” Louis says and does his best to not just climb the other boy and stay there with his face burrowed into Harry’s jacket forever. “How’s it going?” he asks as they pull apart and start walking down the block.

“Been studying all day, but it’s all about umm… communication and like, counseling, so it’s really interesting,” he explains and Louis’ heart melts a little.

“That’s cool, like how to talk to clients and stuff like that?” Louis asks and Harry smiles at him, as if he’s surprised by Louis interest.

“Yeah… like, it’s part theory where we read about psychological blocks and stuff like that. Then we’re going to do different practical assignments as well, it’s a bit… um, scary, but I think it’s really like… my kind of thing, you know?”

“Yeah of course, that’s really great, I think you’ll do splendidly,” Louis says and tries not to look too much like he’s in love with Harry Styles.

Harry ducks his head and blushes beautifully at that before he glances over at Louis. “What about you? What have you been doing today?”

Louis shrugs, _been obsessing over you, cool huh?_ “Been sat at the computer, doing some work on my final project.”

“Yeah, you like how it’s coming along? You were talking about the notes your professor gave you?”

“Yeah… she talked about the target group and just, ungh, I’d rather not talk about it to be honest,” he whines and wrinkles his nose to show Harry he’s not upset he asked.

“Alright, lets talk about the new Lana Del Rey EP instead, did you listen to it yet?” Harry wonders, giving Louis the perfect opportunity to indulge the lad for the next twenty minutes or so.

-

Without really meaning to, Louis leads them to a playground football field, illuminated by the orange glow from the streetlights, casting the world around them into darkness as they settle down on the cold slightly damp ground. Harry is talking about his sister Gemma, and Louis _wants_ to listen but it’s difficult to keep up when his heart is racing in his chest and he feels two seconds away from passing out. Of course Harry, attentive, caring, gorgeous Harry notices and leans forward, a hand on Louis’ knee as he frowns with concern. This of course does nothing to settle Louis’ nerves.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just…” he starts and pulls up some grass from the ground, shredding the straws into smaller pieces. “I’m a bit distracted, sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” Harry asks and Louis looks up into his earnest eyes and tries to find some courage there even if it feels counterproductive. It’s just. Harry’s cheeks are pink from the cold and there are these pretty curls sticking out from under his hat and Louis is _so_ in love with him.

“I broke up with Joseph,” he says because he has to start somewhere.

Harry actually looks surprised, eyes wide and eyebrows raised for a second before his face falls slightly. “Oh, I’m sorry Lou, I didn’t… what happened?” and he sounds so worried, like he’s not the reason that Louis is weak in the knees and trembling like a leaf.

Louis would laugh at the irony if he wasn’t busy trying to get the next few words out.

“I’m in love with someone else.” He feels like a broken record at this point, but telling Harry is also so completely different from telling Zayn or Joseph. Like he’s about to utter words that will change the course of his life forever.

“Oh… who’s… who’s that then?” Harry asks, still seemingly unknowing about where this conversation is heading.

He thinks of another footie field. Green eyes sparkling under the strong spotlights and plush pink lips looking so, so soft. Harry staring at his lips for moment too long.

His heart picks up speed and his belly flutters with nerves and ridiculous pathetic _hope._

“I’m… I’m in love with you.”

Harry freezes and stares at Louis, mouth slightly open and expression so still it’s difficult to read. It’s unnerving because ever since they met Louis has been able to read Harry like an open book. So he just stares back, waiting for _something._

It’s just when that something comes, it breaks him into a billion sharp-edged pieces.

Harry opens his mouth as if to speak but then stops himself and that’s when Louis sees it. It’s something like fear. Fear or confusion or a mixture of both and it squeezes the air out of Louis’ lungs. _What the fuck did you think would happen? That he would fall over himself to declare his love for you?_ From one second to the next Louis pulls himself up off the ground, ready to bolt, because the answer to the question is _Well_ _I didn’t expect **this.**_ “Sorry, I don’t know why I said that, I shouldn’t- I’m gonna go,” he rushes out and he can see the whirl of thoughts reflecting in Harry’s eyes but he refuses to stay long enough for him process any of it. The noble idea Louis had that this was ‘the right thing to do’, despite what might happen to his heart, has vanished into nothingness.

Louis leaves the football field in long strides, tears burning in his eyes and his throat clogging up so badly he finds it difficult to breathe. Despite that he starts running as soon as he’s out of sight, the cold autumn air burning his lungs but he doesn’t stop until he has wrenched open the door to his flat with a loud bang.

As he tries to catch his breath leaning against the closed door, Zayn comes out from his room to see what the ruckus is about. It takes Louis all but two seconds of looking into Zayn’s dark amber eyes for the tears to start falling. When Zayn pulls him into his arms he clutches onto the other boy for dear life and lets himself be lead over to the sofa. He burrows into Zayn’s stomach as the sobs tear through his body and Zayn holds him tight.

\---

He sees Louis retreating form disappear into the darkness and he feels like he should call after him but he’s so stunned he can’t manage to get a single vowel out of his mouth.

_He’s in love with me… but that’s impossible._

There has to be a mistake. He must have heard wrong and now it’s too late to ask. Something in the way Louis had looked at him tells him he didn’t hear wrong though, but he can’t wrap his head around it. Everything had been fine one minute and the next Louis had looked at him like Harry had _hurt_ him and if there is something Harry never wants to experience ever again, it is Louis looking at him that way.

Harry doesn’t know for how long his sits there, but it’s like he’s glued to the spot while he’s trying to work out what just happened. _Louis said he’s in love with me. But how?_ When he thinks about it he nearly cringes at how he’s been acting over the past few months. The way he’s been glued to his phone as soon as Louis has texted him, the way Louis has lured that awful donkey laugh out of his mouth almost every time they’ve met and how he hasn’t been able to stop talking about Louis to his friends and family. It’s like he’s seen himself do all these embarrassing things but not been able to put a stop to it, Louis has simply been too magnetic. It’s just that. He thought that was how the rest of the world saw it too. An overeager first year that is hanging on to his new, cool friend pathetically. Like, sure, he knows Louis likes him, wants to be friends with him even. But he always figured it was a bit like the way your older siblings’ friends sometimes indulge and put up with you. Never… this.

_Love._

He thinks about how Louis has been calling and texting him as much as he’s called and texted Louis. He thinks about how giddy Louis looks when he manages to make Harry laugh. Thinks about how Louis dragged him around by the hand at that party last week, like he wanted to make sure Harry stayed right by his side.

Then he thinks about the colour of Louis’ eyes as they stared into his on that balcony all those weeks ago, the way his pink tongue had darted out to wet his lips and how Harry’s first instinct had been to lean in and catch them with his.

His mouth goes dry and his heart speeds up as he lets his mind linger at the memory and lets himself explore the feeling he has brushed off ever since that night. The feeling that sometimes makes his hand squeeze at Louis’ waist because it seems to fit there just right, the feeling that makes his stomach flutter like mad when Louis laughs and the way being around Louis feels a bit like getting warmed up by the sun.

_Love._

Jesus fucking Christ he’s been so stupid.

Eventually he gets up from the ground, his jeans soaked through by now but he barely notices. Can only think about the crinkles by Louis’ eyes and the way the tips of Louis’ fingers tend to make goose bumps break out over his skin when they touch. What Louis looks like with his sweat soaked fringe stuck to his temples and the cold air billowing around him as he laughs at Harry’s giraffe legs when they play footie. Can only hear Louis’ raspy voice before his first morning lecture and think about the words that left his soft pink lips.

“ _I’m in love with you.”_

Louis is in love with him and like an avalanche set off by that phrase alone, the words seem to fold and break to fit just the way Louis makes him feel in return. The answer to a riddle that he’s not been able to figure out. Only now it seems ridiculous to not have considered it. His world has tilted and he hadn’t even noticed till now.

_I need to find him. I need to make that look in his eyes go away and tell him he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me._

-

It takes him a few excruciating days to track Louis down. The first night when he was on his way home from the football field he was too exhausted, too overwhelmed by all the newly discovered pieces of his heart, that he simply went home and crashed into bed. A huge grin pressing into the pillow and his belly squirming with nerves at the thought that he’d fucked things up before they even got started. But he was going to make this right. He was. It was just meant to be.

Only. The next day Louis didn’t answer his phone and Harry’s messages remained undelivered. The only sign of life he got was a text from an unknown number saying _stop calling him, leave him alone_ that he suspected to be from Zayn. He didn’t dare go to Louis’ flat because the idea of meeting a pissed off Zayn scared the shit out of him. So he started pestering Niall about the whereabouts of Louis and eventually found out there was a party that Louis and Zayn were going to on Saturday. Not that Harry was invited, but he just felt like he needed some sort of neutral ground to get a chance to talk to him.

So now he’s here, another fricking party, another large crowd of drunk uni students and music just on the wrong side of too loud. It’s still fairly early and he hopes he can find Louis as quickly as possible. He spent a ridiculous amount of time fixing his fringe and deciding what to wear. Wondering if his jeans fit him right and if Louis would notice the spots that had broken out at his hairline.

His hands are sweating and his insides are trembling with nerves. He’s not confident his voice will even carry, but over the past few days his mind has been filled with images of touching Louis, of getting to feel his skin under his hands and to hold him and _taste him_ and that’s what’s making him push past all the worry.

As if a bright spotlight had pointed him in the right direction, he finds Louis after just a few moments. Spots him in a circle of people and the sight of him rattles something in Harry’s belly, an inferno of butterflies breaking free and filling him with this thing he—over the past few days—has come to recognise as a four letter word.

He’s truly breathtaking.

Harry makes his way through the crowd and before he has the chance to open his mouth, Louis looks up and meets his gaze. There’s something steely in his blue eyes that Harry’s never seen before and when he’s close enough all he manages to get out is a quiet, “Hi.”

Louis seems to curl in on himself, arms crossing over his chest and a flush covering his cheeks as he breaks eye contact and looks down on the floor. “What are you doing here?” Louis asks. He sounds unsure.

_I’m in love with you._

Harry feels his breath get stuck in his throat and he coughs carefully. “I came to talk to you. Would… would that be alright?”

Louis looks up at him and seems to consider his request before shrugging one shoulder. “I guess.”

Harry can’t stop the smile that twitches at the corner of his lips in relief. “Good, umm… could we… could we go somewhere a bit more quiet? Maybe?” He knows he’s rambling but as long as it gets the message across he doesn’t care.

“Why?” Louis asks and Harry knows it’s mostly just because he’s stubborn.

“Please, just for a bit… please,” Harry says and tries to convey with his eyes how much he needs to talk to him.

Louis sighs and shrugs again before turning around and heading towards the hallway, clearly expecting Harry to follow. They head into a bedroom and Louis goes over to a dresser and leans against it, arms yet again crossing over his chest. Harry wants to hold him.

As soon as the door snicks shut behind Harry, silence settles into the room. Harry knows it’s up to him to say something but he doesn’t even know where to begin. How to properly say all the things he wants to say. Has never had to put words to such important feelings before.

“Um… so I just, I want to apologise,” he starts because he needs Louis to know he never meant to make him feel whatever it was that made him look at Harry like that on the football field. “For how I reacted when you… when you told me.”

Another wave of pink settles on Louis cheeks and Harry hates how embarrassed he looks. Like the most wonderful thing Harry has ever heard is something to be ashamed of.

“You don’t have to apologies, at least it was an honest reaction, right? I shouldn’t have said anything,” he says and lets out a strained laugh. He’s trying to brush it off, make it seem like it was nothing when it was the complete opposite. Harry needs to get his shit together and sort this out before Louis gets it even more wrong.

“No, that’s not- please just…” he takes a deep breath to calm himself down, can already feel the wobble in his voice and his heart beating heavily like it’s about to crush his bones. “The thing is, why I didn’t say anything or… it’s just… you caught me by surprise, like… so much and… it’s just—”

“Don’t.” Louis clenches his jaws and the wings of his nose flare a bit like he’s trying to hold back his emotions. “Please just leave it okay? It was fucking stupid of me to say anything to begin with.”

 _Fucking get to the point Styles, what’s wrong with you._ “No wait, that’s not it. That’s not it _at all_ ,” he says and his voice sounds thick with frustration.

That makes Louis look up at him and his shoulder sink down a little bit as he now waits for Harry to continue. “The thing is, you surprised me because the idea that you would be in love with me is just… it’s impossible. I never thought… Lou, you’re… you’re the best person I know and you could… you could have anyone you wanted, so I just don’t understand. Like… you’re literally my favourite person I’ve ever met,” he goes on and he knows it’s not completely right but his tears have welled up at this point and his mind can’t seem to settle on any one thought.

“What do you mean impossible? What does that even mean? Like, you _know_ I’m gay—”

Harry interrupts him with an exasperated sigh, so very angry with himself for not being able to explain. “ _No_ , please just listen I’m… I’m in love with you too.” And maybe that’s where he should’ve started because that seems to settle the buzzing in his ears.

Louis doesn’t move a muscle, his face completely still for a few long moments before he says, “Are you serious?” His tone conveying his disbelief just as much as the furrowed line between his eyebrows.

“Yes, like, _so much_ , and I’m sorry if I hurt you because I really didn’t mean to, I just… I just never thought you’d… like you’re _so amazing_ and I’m just, I just feel so lucky to have even met you and that you wanted to be my friend and the thought that you’d… that you’re in love with me is just… I mean… if you still feel that way that is…” he trails off and now he’s the one to break eye contact, completely mortified by his own incoherency.

“Oh god, _of course_ I do _,_ ” Louis exclaims and walks over to him in a few short steps, his whole face scrunched up in a teary eyed grin.

He’s the most beautiful thing Harry’s ever seen.

“Yeah?” Harry asks and grins back, suddenly overwhelmed and so utterly fucking happy as Louis cups his cheek and nods.

“You… you’re so bloody ridiculous, _why_ would I not be in love with you? _How_ could I not be in love with you?”

His cheeks floods with warmth. “I don’t know, I’m nothing special, not like you.”

Louis’ finger carefully pulls at one of Harry’s curls and his eyes shine with so much emotion it feels like staring into the sun. “You’re special to me,” he says and then he tilts his head up slightly, leaning forward, and the world ceases to exist as plush lips touch Harry’s.

It lasts no more than a few seconds and then Louis is looking up at him through long eyelashes, cheeks pink and so, so gorgeous. It lasts no more than a few seconds but the mere fact that Louis’ lips touched his sends bursts of electricity sizzling through his veins, makes his stomach clench with how much it flutters and his breath rattles in his chest with how much that simple touch affects him. How much it makes him want more. So much that it makes him lean in again, makes him clutch onto Louis’ biceps and press closer.

Louis lets out the most delicious whimper as he cradles Harry’s head with his hands and moves his lips carefully against Harry’s. It’s the single most arousing thing Harry has ever experienced and he’s hit with the realisation that this is his first kiss in every way that matters. This is the first time he’s held onto someone and felt it in his whole body, felt it in his heart.

When they separate, they stay close, lips hovering and hot breaths mingling between them. Fingers caressing over cheeks and arms and Harry feels like he could burst with how much he wants. Wants this more than he knew was possible. Wants to kiss and hold and touch this boy always. Wants to breathe him in and give him everything he could possibly give.

Louis seems just as affected as he is, breath stuttering and eyes a bit glazed over. “Was that… is this alright?” he asks, so careful and gentle Harry aches with it.

He presses his lips to Louis’ one more time just to show him how alright this is. How nothing has ever been as right as this. “Yes… you… I can’t believe this is happening.”

“Right there with ya, Curly,” Louis smiles and gives him another peck.

Then they get a bit lost in each other because their eyes are busy saying all the things they want to have said but are not yet able to voice. _I never want to stop looking at you._

“Do you… would you like to…” Harry starts because there’s nothing he wants more than to get Louis out of here, to be just the two of them somewhere where he can’t hear “Scream & Shout” vibrate through the floor, but he doesn’t know how to say that. Doesn’t know if this bedroom right here is a glitch in the fabric of time and space and somehow Louis won’t want this outside these walls.

“You want to get out of here?” Louis smiles like they share a secret, like that secret will carry beyond this moment and maybe be very much real somewhere else as well.

“Yeah, if you want.”

Louis’ smile widens as he nods. “Yeah, let’s.”

With one last press of lips they head out from the bedroom and out to the party again. Louis looks at him over the shoulder. “I’m just gonna go talk to Zayn real quick, meet me out front in a bit?”

“Yeah, of course,” Harry says and can’t stop smiling. He also can’t help staring at Louis as he makes his way over to Zayn. It’s such a strange concept that he looks at Louis the exact same way as he’s done since the first night they met, but now he understands why he can’t seem to stop staring at the golden skin of Louis’ arms; where the urge to press his nose to the spot beneath Louis’ ear comes from. This feeling that he’s put down to Louis simply being magnetic, irresistible in an objective, otherworldly sort of way. That anyone who meets him will want to trace the freckles on his cheek and wonders what it would feel like to press their thumbs into the tantalizing curve of his waist. His heart thuds.

_Love._

And then Louis is making his way back to him through the room, his eyes sparkling and his smile making Harry’s stomach summersault.

“You ready to go?” Louis asks, head tilted to the side. He’s so gorgeous and Harry wants to kiss him.

He nods quickly. “Yeah.”

-

They make their way to Louis’ flat with soft spoken dialogue and pink cheeks. A shyness between them that is so uncharacteristic to their usual dynamic that it would be unsettling if it wasn’t for the way it feels like the start of something new. Like when you wake up in the morning, surrounded by warm blankets, and you have yet to figure out what day it is.

“Sorry, it’s a bit messy in here,” Louis says as they kick off their shoes and put up their coats.

“I’ve been here before you know; I know what a slob you are.” Harry grins cheekily and rather than the playful slap Harry expects, Louis bows his head and looks up at him bashfully. _Jesus, I won’t survive Louis like this, will I?_

“It feels different now,” Louis admits, pouts slightly and takes Harry’s hand in his.

Harry wonders it’s possibly to pass out from having a gorgeous boy play with the ring on his finger—it sure feels like it. He’s never been so aware of his own body before. Never felt the thoughts in his head manifest out to the tips of his fingers and get him weak at the knees, make goose bumps erupt up the back of his neck.

“It’s not though… I’m just the same,” Harry says and cups Louis’ neck in the palm of his hand, thumb pressing slightly behind his ear.

Louis shakes his head. “I thought you… if I thought you’d— if I thought there was a chance you’d want me I would’ve—”

“That’s the thing though, isn’t it? You didn’t even have to try.” Harry smiles, heat rising in his cheeks because he knows it’s the truth. He was a lost cause ever since he met those electric blue eyes in the harsh light of Niall’s bathroom.

Louis grins at that, eyes crinkling and Harry feels heat pool at the bottom of his belly. _God you’ll be the end of me._ He always thought of arousal as something bound to the body. Naked skin, wet lips, the press of hands and tongues. But right now he can feel it surge through him more powerful than ever and only because of the glint in Louis’ eyes, the slightly smug quirk of his lips and something like electricity bouncing off of him, and it seems like something beyond the physical. Something that is tied together with Louis’ witty humour, how gentle he sounds on the phone with his sisters and the way his airy laughter fills up the whole room. All of Louis.

“Would you like some tea or something?” Louis asks, a somewhat proud smirk still hovering over his pink lips.

Tea is the last thing on Harry’s mind right now, so he shakes his head, his cheeks heating up as he pulls slightly on Louis’ hand to get him closer. Louis folds and lets him, getting so close he needs to look up at Harry through his long eyelashes and Harry is _throbbing_. “If it’s alright I’d rather just hold you for a bit,” he explains and hopes he doesn’t sound like the biggest loser ever.

Louis bites his bottom lip, his eyelashes casting shadows over his cheekbones and Harry wonders if he’s actually gone mad. If the way he zeros in on the feeling of Louis’ thumb caressing over his knuckles, and how the flutter of Louis’ eyelashes might be the single most erotic thing he’s ever seen, is actually normal or if Louis is making him feel things no one else has ever felt. He honestly wouldn’t be surprised.

“Sounds great,” Louis says and then he’s pulling Harry towards his bedroom.

They lie down on the bed, curled up on their sides as they stare at each other, thoughts and feelings flitting between them in unspoken conversation. And Harry would be happy just lying here for hours if it wasn’t for the fact that he now can get away with touching Louis, can give in to the urge that he’s pushed back so many times before in the company of all that golden skin.

Slowly he unfolds his hand where it had been tucked under his cheek and gently rests it at his favourite spot, right where Louis’ small waist curls into the thick curve of his hip. Louis is warm against the palm of his hand, his t-shirt smooth to the touch as his thumb dips into the line of his hipbone, pressing slightly just to know what it feels like. Louis’ breathing seems to come out in light airy puffs and they're close enough that Harry can feel the ghost of breath against his face. He can’t help but to squeeze at the softness where his fingers rest and a small gasp leaves Louis’ lips as he lies perfectly still. Harry’s eyes flicker up to see if there’s any apprehension in Louis’ eyes, but all he sees there is warmth, so Harry continues to touch. His fingers play into the slight dips of Louis’ ribcage, eventually brushing over the exposed skin at Louis’ collarbones, his own mouth watering at the feeling. He flattens his palm against Louis’ chest and drags it down slowly, reveling in learning the shape of Louis like this. His belly squirms with so much heat and _love_ his mind blanks out as he feels the strong thud of Louis’ heart. _It’s impossible, this is impossible, I must be dreaming._

He dares to meet Louis’ eyes again and there’s a deep flush covering his cheeks, his tongue darting out to wet his lip as his jaw hangs slack. And it’s absolutely addictive the way his touch seem to affect Louis, making him want more, touch more, feel more and see how beautifully it will play out over Louis’ features.

“Kiss me,” Louis whispers then, his tone nearly desperate and it shoots waves of heat through Harry, making his groin throb with it. _He hasn’t even touched you._

Harry leans in and pushes his lips against Louis’, his hand yet again back to the curve of his waist. They melt together as their tongues slide against each other, both eager but also a bit shy, like they’re waiting to know what the other one likes. Louis pulls Harry closer, his arms curling around Harry’s ribcage, ultimately pulling him up to lean over Louis partially. He makes sure to keep his hips pressed to the mattress though, too scared and worked up to give in to that just yet. Hands travel up the expanse of his back, fingers digging into the muscle and sending sparks flying up and down his spine. They kiss slow and wet until small whimpers escape past Louis’ lips which makes Harry push against him desperately. He wants _more._ Louis complies, insistent hands pulling at him and then everything crashes and burns. Louis’ thigh slides between Harry’s and black spots blur his vision with how good it feels. Suddenly it’s like he has no mind, nothing but pure lust and want pulsing through him and his body moves on its own accord, hips pushing hard and fast against Louis as their hands clutch desperately. The air between them is thick and heavy as they’re unable to keep kissing, unable to do anything but press closer. Throaty groans and light whimpers blending together.

It’s over so quickly and so forcefully Harry nearly blacks out. Tears bloom up in his eyes, his body completely overwhelmed as it shakes with his release in strong hot pulses. When the heat simmers down and his head clears enough for him to comprehend a single thought, he takes in the sight of Louis, flushed and glassy eyed and he knows then he’ll never see anything as breathtaking for as long as he lives.

He doesn’t know what to say, embarrassed at first over how easily he’d lost control, but then small licks of arousal curl in his belly when he realises that Louis lost control too, and then he just wants to be close. He wraps his arms around the other boy and they hold each other tightly as they calm down. Bodies warm and damp against each other.

Harry feels close to slipping into blissful sleep as Louis pulls away and plants a small kiss on his cheek. “I’ll get us some stuff to clean up,” he says and his voice is sweeter than anything Harry has ever heard, making tears of affection well up in his eyes.

After a few minutes Louis comes back with a wet towel, clean pants, and a t-shirt for Harry, as he himself has already changed into a similar outfit. Harry fumbles out of his dirty trousers and pants, Louis pointedly staring out the window as he cleans himself up and puts the fresh clothes on. He feels a bit silly because surely he should have been able to go to the bathroom and clean himself up, but with the way his limbs fall heavy against the bed and his hands still tremble when Louis curls into his side, he’s not entirely sure his legs would carry him.

Louis nuzzles into his shoulder and Harry hugs him close, never having felt so loved and sated in his life. “Was that alright?” Louis asks and Harry nearly laughs at how ridiculous the question sounds.

“That was amazing, you’re… you’re so amazing Lou, you…” He looks down at him and is overcome with feelings again, his chest blooming with devotion. “I’m so happy you have no idea.”

Louis smiles and leans up to give him a peck on the lips. “Me too, the happiest.”

Another few moments later they fall asleep with their arms tightly curled around one another, legs intertwined and hearts beating together.

-

It doesn’t take long after that night for Harry to conclude that he’s a mess. A very happy, very much overexcited mess, but still. He can’t focus in class, the constant flutter of a butterfly in his belly reminds him that he could be somewhere else. That he could be kissing Louis. Could be looking at him, touching him, talking to him, making him laugh. Everything else sort of melts into the background and he finds it difficult to keep up. He has a half hour-long phone call with Gemma without remembering a word she said the minute they hang up. One night when Louis is busy studying he hangs out with Niall and Liam who eventually grow so frustrated with his aloofness that they just give up and continue the conversation without him. On some level he knows he’s not being a good friend, that maybe he should tell them about Louis, but right now everything is so perfect he can’t bring himself to really think about it. Not when he could be thinking about the curve of Louis’ waist instead.

\---

It’s been nearly two weeks since Harry gave Louis everything he’s ever wanted and since then they’ve been a hurricane of goofy grins and giddy touches. They still play footie in the park and text each other stupid jokes, but now it’s so much _more._ The most obvious change has been the way they can’t seem to stop touching, hands always hovering close by, fingers caressing over arms, noses pressed against the back of their necks, and ankles crossing together under the table. Also. Harry Styles is practically insatiable. As soon as they’re left alone they’re all over each other, snogging and humping like rabbits. Harry seems to want to get to know every inch of him, eager to taste and squeeze and _learn._ Louis is _not_ complaining as his own mind is stuck in a constant loop of _god he’s so fit, I love his perky bum, his strong thighs, his fucking fingers, oh god I need him, on me, in me, all the time._ And it didn’t take much to have Zayn convinced about Harry being _very_ into Louis as he’s been the victim of walking in on them with their hands down each other pants.

So. Louis is basically floating, pheromones and giddy excitement making him feel like he could do anything, like him and Harry could do anything. It’s so different than the feelings that had ebbed and flowed between him and Joseph. This is being in the eye of the storm, him and Harry in a bubble where nothing else exists other than them. Once in a while an extra strong wave or gush of wind will take hold of them and send them crashing together, feelings all over the place, so eager, so wanting, so much.

With Joseph it was structured, tepid. Joseph flirted with him, asked him out, asked him out again after Louis' polite let down the first time, did his best to woo him with movie dates and cute text messages. It was sweet, safe, and predictable. With Harry it’s the complete opposite. Even though those dimples could fool anyone, Harry is a little devil in disguise. The way his charming smile blends into something filthy as the gleam in his eyes is nearly too intense to handle. Harry is safe but not in the way there’s no risk in giving his heart away like this, but because Harry makes it feel like the risk is worth it. And Harry is anything but predictable with the way he can make Louis go from on the verge of coming apart to a pile of mushy goo with just a few words.

He hasn’t heard from Joseph since the break up and even though thinking of him makes guilt churn in his belly he tries not to focus on it. All he’s gotten is a few dirty looks thrown his way from a couple of Joseph’s friends, but maybe that’s understandable. Harry’s been really lovely about the whole thing as well, which just, _god he’s lovely._ Even though Louis can tell there’s still traces of jealousy there, Harry always looks at him with his big green eyes and offers comforting hugs when Louis feels like a large pile of shit. “Like, we’ll take things slow yeah? Just want you to be comfortable, not like rush into things…” he’ll say and soothe his large hands down Louis’ back. And Louis doesn’t tell him it’s already too late, that he is running head first into everything that is Harry and he’s not looking back.

Right now, Zayn is making tea in the kitchen and Louis is doing a pretty poor job of researching for his final project, mind constantly drifting to full lips and a boisterous laugh. As Zayn makes his way into the living room carrying two large cups of tea, Louis’ phone rings, a picture of a wildly grinning Harry popping up on the screen. His stomach immediately erupts in a flurry of butterflies.

“Hi babe,” he greets as he nods ‘thank you’ to Zayn for the tea. Zayn rolls his eyes at Louis’ obvious excitement over the phone call but smiles sweetly at his best mate.

“Hey…” Harry grumbles on the other end and his tone draws Louis’ eyebrows together in a frown.

“Hi, is everything okay?” he asks softly.

There’s silence on the line for a few moments and then he hears something that sounds suspiciously like a sob; that has him sitting up on the sofa, worry settling in his bones.

“Are you- are you at home, can I come over?” Harry asks and sniffles.

“Yeah, yes of course, what’s going on? What’s happened?” _If someone hurt him, if anything bad happened to him I’ll fucking kill them._

“I’m sorry, god, please don’t… I’m _so in love with you,_ please don’t think I’m not, it’s not… I’m just so scared.”

Louis heart beats out of his chest, a loud buzzing starting up in his ears and pin pricks of heat warm his cheeks. _What the fuck is going on. Please don’t let things end already. Please don’t take him away from me._

“You need to tell me what’s happened, sweetheart, please calm down.”

“I… I posted a picture of us on Instagram and now I’m freaking out so bad,” Harry says and Louis doesn’t really follow. He’s pretty sure Harry’s posted pictures of him on his Instagram account before without this kind of reaction.

“Okay, that’s… what are you freaking out about, love? It’s okay.”

“Have you- did you see it?” Harry asks and his voice sounds so thick Louis’ stomach aches with how wrong that sound is. _My lovely boy, you should never hurt._

“No, what…” he trails off and snatches Zayn’s phone from the coffee table. Zayn throws him a puzzled look as he’s overheard Louis’ worry. He quickly opens the app and scrolls down until he sees it. It’s a picture of them from yesterday, cheeks pink from the cold and their eyes shining bright. Harry is leaning over Louis shoulder and planting a kiss to his cheek as he takes the picture and they both look absolutely arse over tits. The caption reads _I’m the luckiest <3 _and the whole thing makes Louis grin wider than anything, _god I love you._ “It’s lovely babe, what’s going on?” he asks, worry now a bit more settled as his focus shifts from _oh my god he’s breaking up with me_ to _what’s got you so sacred love, what can I do to help?_

“It’s just…” Harry says and then another small sob escapes from his throat. “When I’m with you everything is so amazing, like I’m happier than I’ve ever been and everything is _so easy_ so like… when I posted the picture all I could think about was how much I love you and um, how proud I am to be with you and… then I just, like after I posted it, it hit me that everyone will see it, like… Everyone will _know_ and I just don’t know how to deal with that. I really don’t want to go home right now. I don’t want to see Liam.”

He sounds so wound up, so stressed out and worried it makes Louis’ belly tie in knots. “Oh baby, come here then, it’s fine, we’ll figure something out, okay? It’ll be okay.”

And then Harry starts sobbing. “I just- please I just don’t want you to think that’s it’s because I don’t love you or like. That I’m not proud of you, because I _am,_ like, so much, but it’s all just so new and I don’t know what people will say.”

“Hey now, please calm down, it’s alright, I love you too, where are you now? Want me to meet you on the way here?”

“I’m on my way, you don’t have to meet me.”

Louis is already on his feet though, finding it difficult to sit still when his boy is so distressed.

“Okay, I’m here, it’s going to be fine, we’ve got this yeah?”

About ten minutes later Harry knocks on the door and Louis is there within seconds to gather him into his arms.

“Hi love,” he says and Harry curls into him, burrowing his face into his neck, long arms wrapping around him tightly.

They make their way into Louis’ room after Harry’s kicked off his shoes and put up his jacket, hands never leaving each other. Settling down on the bed, Harry rests against his shoulder and presses close. Louis pets Harry’s unruly curls and plants small kisses along his hairline.

“You wanna tell me why you’re so worried?” he asks slowly, not wanting to pressure him but also needing to know how to comfort him, how to make this right.

Harry worries his bottom lip with his teeth, gathering his thoughts for a moment before he answers. “I just, kind of forget that not everyone knows about us… like when we’re here, Zayn obviously knows and it feels so natural, so like…um, I posted the picture because it made me so happy to look at it, then… like right after I saw a post by Gemma and realised her and mum will see it and then I realised Liam and Niall, everyone from school will see it and… I mean, I’m not stupid like of course I know they follow me it’s just… it’s like I didn’t think of like, that I’m basically coming out to everyone, just because I just really loved that picture… you’re so beautiful and I just… I don’t know, I sound so fucking daft—”

“Hey now, none of that. You’re not stupid, I think, it makes sense… just. Do you want to like, delete it or…?” Louis asks, wanting to make sure Harry knows he won’t take offence or anything.

Harry shrugs. “What’s the point now? People have seen it, it will just be weird now I think.”

Louis wants to face palm himself. “Yeah, of course, you’re right, sorry.” He tangles his fingers in Harry’s hair and Harry nuzzles into him and kisses his neck.

“I’m just… I turned my phone off. I don’t want to talk to anyone.”

“That’s alright, you don’t have to. Lets just stay here for a while yeah? For a long as you want.”

Harry nods and that’s want they do. They cuddle close and exchange small kisses and long smooth caresses. Sometimes Harry starts worrying again, rambling on about _what will happen now, what if mum gets angry, what if Liam doesn’t want to room with me, what if everything changes now, why shouldn’t I be able to post a picture of my boyfriend like everyone else, why didn’t I think this through,_ in circles until he’s sags into the mattress in exhaustion. When the sun has set and they’re falling in and out of light sleep, Zayn knocks gently on the door. They stir awake and Louis says it’s okay to come in.

Zayn looks at them with so much gentle sympathy it makes Louis want to cry. “Hi, erhm, I don’t want to bother but like… I made some food and I figured you might be hungry by now.”

“Yeah, thanks, we’d love some, right love?” Louis says and kisses Harry’s forehead before he looks up and gives his friend a grateful smile.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Harry says, his voice gravelly from tears and sleep.

Zayn turns to leave again, but hesitates at the door, turning around and looking at them. “Ey, Harry, it was a really lovely picture by the way. You two look real cute,” he says, a small comforting smile resting on his lips.

Harry looks at him in surprise and then a soft pink hue colours his cheeks and he smiles in a way that makes him look like an actual angel. “Thanks man.”

Louis has tears in his eyes now, because Zayn is so great, a stubborn, whiny twat yeah, but also so bloody perceptive and _good._ Like he knows just how much reassurance from him will mean to Harry, what Harry would do to gain his acceptance. Zayn just gives them a short nod before he leaves and Louis will hug him to pieces later because Harry looks up at Louis and he fucking _beams._

“We are quite cute, aren’t we?”

Louis laughs. “Yes we are love, the cutest.”

-

For the next couple of days Harry refuses to go home and even goes as far as ditching class. He spends the time when Zayn is at work and Louis is at school watching daytime TV and, of all things he could be doing—cleaning. After two days Zayn and Louis’ flat has never been as spotless and Harry seems very well aware of this fact as he proudly shows them the work he’s done.

On the second day, Louis manages to convince Harry to turn his phone on and Louis scrolls through his missed phone calls and messages while Harry is hiding his face in a pillow. There are missed calls and text messages from Gemma and Anne that start out rather cheeky but then grow worried when they don’t receive any replies. There’s also a message from Niall saying:

_oi so we’re doing mulled wine on saturday, ur bringin the wine!  
happy for u n lou btw, very sexy couple ;)_

Which makes Harry laugh his dorky donkey laugh, in turn making Louis nearly burst with fondness.

“So… nothing from Liam then?” Harry asks, peeking up from behind the pillow.

“No, maybe he’s waiting for you to give him a call… or like, go home?” Louis says, a cheeky eyebrow raised to show he’s mostly just teasing and not trying to pressure him.

“I don’t want too, it makes me feel I’m gonna be sick.”

Louis takes his hand and plants small kisses over his knuckles. “What are you scared of?”

“I don’t know… it’s not like I think he’s gonna hurt me or anything just… he’s… I couldn’t stand it if he looked at me any different, he’s just… he’s said things that are just, he’s not _mean_ exactly but so like, clumsy with what he says and I just… I can’t take it if he says something bad.”

He looks so sad and it’s obvious that he doesn’t want to lose Liam as a friend. Louis feels like he has to do something to fix this, to smooth out the line between Harry’s furrowed brow and make that dimple reoccur in his cheek.

“Do you want me to talk to him?” he asks and brushes Harry’s fringe over his forehead with gentle fingers.

Harry just looks at him for a while, his gorgeous green eyes shine with something that looks a bit like wonder. But it might only be Louis who’s gotten a bit big headed from all the attention Harry showers him with.

“Would you… would you do that?” he asks carefully, like he’s not sure if Louis really means it.

“Yeah sure, I could head over after I’ve been to the library later tonight?”

“That…” is all Harry gets out before he seems to choke on air and his eyes get shiny. “That would be great, you’re so lovely.”

Louis grins and shrugs a bit. “Nah, just a bit whipped is all.” For the smile that blooms over Harry’s face he would do anything.

\---

Harry considers spending the time Louis is at the library reading up on some of his course work but guilt quickly overcomes him and he spends the next couple of hours first calling his mum and then Gemma.

His conversation with his mum is filled with tears of relief and reassurance, his mum telling him he’s silly for worrying so much and that she loves him more than anything. He then spends nearly half an hour gushing about Louis, telling her everything about how they met, how incredible Louis is and how ridiculously in love he is. When they hang up he feels about a googolplex times lighter.

The next call is Gemma who teases him relentlessly and makes him blush and laugh hysterically. They end their talk with Harry promising to introduce Louis to her over brunch next week.

It’s not long after he hangs up the phone that he gets a message from Louis saying he’s heading over to his and Liam’s dorm and anxious nerves shoot through Harry yet again. And it’s not even that he doesn’t want people to know about him and Louis. In a way he wants every single person to know how he, of all people, managed to catch the sun itself in his heart. Show the world that the most gorgeous, most brave and magnificent person on earth has chosen him as his. But he hasn’t actually spend that much time thinking about the possible consequences. Maybe if he’d spent another couple weeks getting used to the idea, if he’d gone over it with Louis a bit more, he’d be more calm. But as it is, he’s cornered himself into a situation where he’s forced to face people reactions before he’s even had the chance to let it properly settle within himself.

The last few weeks have, without a doubt, been the happiest of his life. He has let himself get completely submerged in everything Louis. Given in to every urge to touch and taste, let himself fall even more in love with every kiss, every whisper, and every smile. But he hasn’t put much thought to what this all means outside the safety of Louis’ flat or when they’re alone on the footie field. And he hates how he has to think about that, that there’s anything to _confess_ but now here he is and he hasn’t even considered how his whole life has changed. That from now on he’s not only someone in a relationship, but he’s someone in a gay relationship. People will have thoughts and feelings and opinions about his inner most private self and that idea is so terrifying he doesn’t know what to do with it. So now he’s here, chewing down his nails as he waits for his boyfriend to take care of something he himself should be strong enough to do, should be grown up enough to do.

He eats dinner with Zayn on the sofa (Zayn is still quite intimidating but Harry has made him smile several times by now so he considers it a win) and plays annoyingly repetitive games on his phone in an attempt to distract himself.

It’s not until after ten that Harry hears someone at the door and he scrambles up from the sofa to go meet Louis. As always it’s a rush to see him, a small relief and excitement over the fact that he came back, that he’s truly Harry’s to wait for and be with, but this time it last only a few seconds before his heart starts running wild in his chest.

“What did he say, what happened?”

Louis gives him a small smile and pulls him in by the waist. “Hi babe, everything’s fine,” he says and gives him a small peck. “Let’s sit down for a bit.”

They go into Louis’ bedroom and sit down on the bed facing each other. Harry’s nerves are all over the place and he stares at Louis intently, trying to read his expression.

“So?”

“I think… he was fine. I told him we’re together and that you’re a bit worried about what people will say.”

“And what _did_ he say?”

“Not much, just that he doesn’t care that we’re together. I think he’s more upset you’ve been avoiding him for two days to be honest.”

Harry groans and falls forward, nuzzling into Louis’ chest. “God, he hates me now, doesn’t he?”

Louis chuckles a bit and drags his fingers through Harry’s curls. “’Course he doesn’t babe, just… you’ll work it out, you’ll see.”

“I guess I’ll see him at Niall’s this weekend…”

“You’re not gonna talk to him till then?”

“I don’t know,” Harry mumbles into Louis’ shirt even though he’s pretty sure he won’t.

Maybe he should have talked to Liam today and gotten it over with, because now guilt is settling in the pit of his stomach. It mingles there with the knowledge that he’s probably only made the whole situation ten times worse.

-

‘Mulled wine weekend’ appears to be a full day where they are supposed to drink mulled wine and play board games. As cute and domestic as it sounds, Harry is worried about seeing Niall and Liam after nearly a week of avoiding them. Or, he’s not so sure Niall has actually noticed, but Liam definitely has. He knows he needs to get over himself though. He can’t spend all his time holed up at Louis and Zayn’s and he misses his friends.

Niall greets them at the door with a large smile, the smell of gingerbread hitting them straight away. Behind Niall stands a very uncomfortable looking Liam, and Harry is overwhelmed with guilt as he looks into his brown puppy eyes. As if by some unspoken rule that everyone else is privy too except Harry, everyone leaves Liam and Harry alone in the hallway.

“Is it alright if we talk for a bit? Louis said some stuff and I just really want to sort this out,” Liam says and he sounds really miserable. Harry’s heart sinks.

“Yeah, yes, of course, sure,” Harry rambles and they make it to Niall’s room. Harry sits down on the bed as Liam hovers slightly, as if he’s unsure weather to sit or stand.

Harry doesn’t know what to say. He feels awful for the way he’s acted but at the same time he’s nervous about what Liam has to say.

“Okay so… first of all I want to apologies for some of the things I’ve said in the past…” Liam starts and then interrupts himself, looking down on the floor and taking a deep breath before continuing. “Louis… Louis told me you were scared to come back home after you posted that picture and it honestly breaks my heart mate.” Liam looks so sad as he says it, sincerity shining through.

“I’m sorry,” Harry mumbles out, his throat thick as he struggles not to tear up. “I know it was shitty. I don’t know why I—”

“I do though.” Liam looks at him seriously. “I’ve said some ignorant things in the past and I understand now how bloody stupid that was and I’m really sorry… like I didn’t understand why you didn’t come home, but then Louis told me about… well, and I realised like, the things I said about the two of you… about being friends with… with someone gay and… I feel like shit about it.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t… it was just…” Harry tries.

“To quote your boyfriend, it was ‘ignorant homophobic bull crap’ and he’s right.” Liam smiles weakly and Harry can’t help but chuckle a bit at that. _I love you Louis._ “I just want you to know I don’t think of you any differently if you’re gay, or bi or anything, and I’d hate it if I made you uncomfortable around me or in our room, it’s your bloody _home_.”

Harry can’t help but tear up at his friend’s words.

Liam bites his bottom lip and then sits down on the bed next to Harry. “It just… it just really fucking hurt to hear all that from Louis though.”

_Oh god, I’m literally the worst friend ever._

“I’m sorry, I just… I freaked out after I posted that picture and then I built this whole scenario in my head and it just… I just… I don’t know.”

“What did you think would happen though? Like, I know I’m ignorant sometimes but I’m not a fucking arsehole, why would you even be friends with me if you think so?”

The tears finally overflow and Harry wipes at them as he starts talking. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I thought… I was just… I was overwhelmed because this is all so new, and I guess I just… it was just nice to be somewhere where I didn’t have to think about it.”

“You could’ve texted though? I mean, anything? I know you didn’t talk to Niall either but we _live together_ and you just disappeared.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry says through his sniveling. “But you could’ve texted me too you know? Like Niall did. I think… I just, I was just freaked out and then when I didn’t hear from you it just got really hard. I’m sorry.”

Liam bows his head and curls in on himself slightly. “I wasn’t sure… I’m not really used to… I just thought you’d come around; I’m not really used to people like, needing my reassurance or anything.”

“Well what you think is important to me, you know. You’re my best mate,” Harry explains.

Liam looks up at him at that and the surprise shining in his eyes breaks Harry’s heart a little bit.

“I am?”

Harry nods. “Yeah, of course.”

“You’re the best mate I’ve ever had,” Liam blurts out and his cheeks flame up instantly.

Harry can’t help smiling. “I’m really sorry about all this, it’s just everything with Louis is so new and I haven’t really…” he takes a deep breath, his heart racing a bit in anticipation of his next words. “I didn’t even know I was gay before I met him so…”

It’s the first time he’s said the words out loud and as scary as it is, it also feels a bit like becoming a whole.

“Well that’s… cool. Like, Louis is a great lad,” Liam says and the blush hasn’t fallen from his cheeks yet.

“He really is,” Harry agrees and can’t stop the wide grin spreading over his face.

Silence settles between them for a few moments as if they need to let their conversation sink in.

Eventually Liam pushes a loose fist against Harry’s upper arm to nudge him. “So you’ll come home then?” He looks so bloody hopeful Harry wants to hug him.

“Yeah, of course like… um, I mean… you probably noticed I wasn’t home much even before I posted that picture, ‘cause like, Louis, but I’ll definitely be around,” he says and now it’s his turn to blush.

Liam just grins. “Good and you know, you two can hang out at ours as well.”

“That’s cool, we will, we’ll hang out all of us, yeah?”

“Yeah, eh, well, I guess the others are sort of waiting for us.”

“Hah, yeah you’re right, I’m sure Louis has poured the wine already.”

Harry gets up to leave but is quickly pulled back down on the bed and into a hug. He’s pretty sure Liam has never hugged him like this before, arms wrapped around him and face nuzzled into his shoulder. When they pull back Liam smiles with his whole face, eyes thin slits of warm gold.

He’s so wonderful Harry’s heart swells two sizes.

-

Louis is curled into his side where they sit on the sofa, Harry’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and he looks so impossibly beautiful with his soft fringe swept across his forehead. He’s playing with Harry’s hand on Harry’s thigh and it feels so wonderful to have his attention like this, even when they’re among friends and Louis is currently mouthing off to Niall about the rules of the game.

It’s quite astonishing to think about the fact that five months ago he was still back in Holmes Chapel and making plans about his move to Manchester and starting uni. Now he’s here, three new friends (Zayn is definitely a friend by now, definitely) and a fricking _boyfriend._ Like his life has moved on and progressed on it’s own as he’s just enjoyed the ride. He adores the boys around him and he still can’t quite grasp the fact that Louis seems to be a little bit obsessed with him in return. Just the fact that he’s never been in love before, that five months ago he wasn’t interested in dating or having a partner and now it feels like the most perfect thing he could imagine. Having someone to share everything with, to be intimate with not only physically but through the things that only comes out in the dark when both of you are on the brink of sleep. He’s shared things with Louis that no one else knows about; has made himself vulnerable in a way that would have felt completely foreign before. And he’s never had someone share themselves with him the way Louis does either. To know that Louis, this stunning, clever, witty, magnetic thing of a person, trusts him, is something so grand it leaves him a bit breathless.

“Hey love, you wanna pick a colour for the game?” Louis asks and the way his voice goes gentle when he stops talking to Niall and turns to Harry makes butterflies dance all the way down to the tips of Harry’s toes.

He ignores the way Zayn rolls his eyes and mutters, “Bloody hell, it’s just a colour Lou, he’ll manage,” and looks down at Louis instead.

“I want the blue one,” Harry says and grins around the next few words. “’Cause it’s pretty like your eyes.”

Louis spends two seconds looking fonder than anything but then it’s like his brain catches up with him and he groans. “Oh god Haz, maybe that _is_ overdoing it.”

Harry laughs and shuts him up with a kiss. When they separate they revel in each other’s attention for another few moments before Louis leans up, lips gracing his ear as he whispers with a rasp, “I’ll pick the green one, so it’s pretty like yours.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed ❤
> 
> You can also find me on [tumblr.](http://gaycousinlarry.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And here's a tumblr post if you want to [reblog.](http://gaycousinlarry.tumblr.com/post/160627057483/flutter-of-a-butterfly-written-by-momentofclarity) Thank you!


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